Keep Fighting

It maybe the end of an era. Its been two weeks since Brexit ‘won’ the vote on the EU referendum. Within these two weeks Scotland is calling for a new vote of independence, we have lost 3 trillion on the markets, we have become the 6th best economy instead of fifth and David Cameron has stepped down as Prime Minister.This has lead Labour staging a ‘chicken coup’ against Corbin on the premises that its his fault that we have left the E.U. Not the fact that a man has gambled England’s economy and job aspects to further his political career. Borris Johnson has stepped down from the Tory leadership race, he’s done the damage and realised that he would be blamed in fifty years time if we cannot pull ourselves out of this and ran. After Farage insulted the MEPs saying that they have never done a proper job in their life, he has stepped down as UKIP’s leader saying he wants his personal life back. Its hard having a proper job isn’t it Farage. Plus being good at it. I’m saying this since Farage has one of the lowest attendance records for when he was a MEP plus he only went to 1 EU fisheries meting. Campaigning to get us out of EU has been the most effective job he’s done and one he actually did. After all this term oil what now?

Many people have realised there is no turning back. I signed many of a petition to hold another referendum as soon as Farage told us his campaign promises were lies. I may have spread it and shared it way too much but I was angry. I was angry that a campaign lead by lies as won, that people chose hatred and racism over working together. Now I know that everyone who voted leave would not be racists but some are and now they feel verified in being open about it. Most of my friends are immigrants studying over in England and know they do not feel safe after the backlash after the vote. The slogan “we voted leave now leave” circles my head and that angered me. The generation that have seen wars, have witnessed the black civil rights movement and the feminist movement have all turned away from these developments in society in favour of nostalgia. The idea that we were once an empire and so that people would trade with us circles my head. This protest vote within working class communities angered me. This community which is being helped by the EU have turned away for it. This anger we all feel and hopelessness within society no matter the class or age has been misdirected so severely.

We should be angry at our own government. They have lead campaign after campaign full of hatred and fear to make people focus their anger off the main course. People have used leave as a scapegoat. Most of our problems are to do with our own government. Austerity have hit the working class hardest yet instead of it being the governments fault its immigrants. The NHS being severely underfunded, the EUs fault. Class room sizes being too big is immigration problems. All of these problems which were addressed by the leave campaign was our governments fault. Instead of taxing their friends and the big companies they have focused taking more from the little people. The conclusion of this is that we now owe more than we did before austerity. We are more in debt but for what?

Since austerity there is now a bigger gap in the classes. More and more of the little people suffer because of the slogan ‘we’re all in this together’. Our NHS is more privatised as ever, less and less people are funded for a high skill jobs, there is less chance of working up the ladder, teachers have mountains of work by criterions made by people that have never been in education sector, government sectors are stretched to it limits and for what? The 1% are the only people that have prospered in this time period and they’re going to prosper after. These are the people that don’t need the NHS, can afford private schools yet they have lost the least within austerity. We are not all in this together and this vote shows it. This vote shows how the little people are tired of being pushed around by the 1%, the people that prosper under austerity.

If only if this overrule came to a happy ending however. Its not now that Cameron has stepped down. We have four figures trying to become MP with no call for another generation at all. These four figures all are human rights abusers in some way or another and are a million times worse for the little man than David Cameron and George Osborne ever were. If we are not guaranteed a generation when one of these leaders are announced and they invoke article 50 we no longer have the EU to protect us. Austerity could have been worse if it wasn’t for the EU stepping in and saying it went against our human rights and now we face no EU to save us from four Thatcherist wannabes wanting to rule. We have Theresa May who introduced a law that said that you had to earn over a certain amount of money to let your spouse or child into the country and voted against homosexuals adoption rights in 2002. Next Micheal Gove, the guy who wants to privatise the NHS and wants junior doctors to become machines. Stephen Crabb claimed 8049 pounds to refurbish his flat during the parliament expenses scandal, cut sickness benefits and only  recently started to ‘believe’ homosexuality can’t be cured. Andrea Leadsom wants minimum wage to be scrapped if your a small business, voted against homosexual marriage and seems to not believe in climate change. This isn’t even the worse she has said the worst is, “I don’t want my daughter to be taught by a woman with a veil covering her face” yet she voted against homosexual marriage because of her faith. Last but not least is Liam Fox who called homosexual marriage ‘absurd’, when he was Secretary of State for Defence resigned because he gave his friend access of Ministry of Defense plus he had the most claims in the 2009 expense scandal and only paid most of it back. These five people maybe running the country very soon. All five of these people do not suit to be leader of our country because of how diverse and different it is yet we may have them.

The future is looking bleak however we must keep fighting if we want a better tomorrow. We have no plan so we need to make one. On top of this we need to make sure we have some sort of safety net in place for the working class and that we hold responsible these people in government if anything goes wrong. No scapegoats anymore. If we are to progress we need to take action against the elitist 1% and only in doing this we will gain back our country.


Why I’m sick of the EU referendum.

I haven’t written on here for a year and a bit I think. Its not because I’ve been busy with life its just that time has moved too quickly for me to keep up. I’ve just had my first year at university and I have changed so much in such a short period of time. So why now? Why am I writing at 1:28 am?

It’s mostly because I can’t sleep. Too much is on my mind. Mostly it is how done I am with the EU Referendum. This decision to vote whether we stay or leave should never have been in the hands of the public at all. No one fully knows all the facts. Fear mongering is happening on both sides. The idea of taking back sovereignty and making Britain great again keep circling my head but I’m not quite sure of what it means. When was Britain great to start with? Throughout history Britain has never been great. If you mean Britain was great when we had an Empire you are condoning colonisation, mass genocide and racism. If you mean during the Victorian era you are condoning child labour, a lack of women’s rights and mass poverty. The only era that I can think we were great was just after WW2 and thats because there was social change in the air and the Butler plan comes into full force giving us the treasured NHS. However this means I would also condone the Notting Hill riots, Enoch Powell’s Rivers of Blood Speech and the fact that even though a women had the vote she did not have any other rights. The argument just does not make sense to me.

On top of this immigration has become the fall front of the EU debate. The idea of when Turkey becomes a member means that a wave of refugees will take our jobs, homes and NHS seem to be the main argument to leave. However no-one takes into account that Turkey have been trying to join for about twenty years. Or the fact that immigration is outside of the EU and is the governments job to deal with. The most worrying is that the people who are most scared of immigration have hardly ever seen an immigrant in their lives. You can sprout how immigrants are taking everyones jobs but you cannot name a single immigrant who you know. Your only scared because the papers tell you to be scared. In one video I watched a women talked how she was voting out because immigration was a problem even though there were no immigrants in her town and she wants to keep it like that. How can you not see how racist that comment is coming out of your mouth? Can you not see the hypocrisy? If you have never dealt with immigrants how can you say they are a problem? Places where immigration is a thing seem to abolish this whole argument saying how they add more to the country than take away. Most immigrants have jobs, both these jobs are jobs we seek after as they are highly skilled or something no-one wants to do. When people talk about how if we leave we can have more immigrants from the commonwealth I often wonder if they also mean Jamaica as well as Australia or News Zealand. If they will complain the same when they see a Jamaican, the same way they complain about the Polish.

How can you not see the racism when football fans are starting fights in France based on peoples nationality? How can you not see the racism when UKIP leader Nigel Farage blames his party members racism on having too much to drink. Yes, he may get rid of those party members unlike Corbyn did but how many party members has he banned now?  Too many. He also wants to get rid of the Discrimination Act so that British people get more jobs. However he is dismissing the British black community,the British asian community, the British muslim community, the British women, the British LGBT community and anyone that is not white and male who are all protected by this act. This is not giving power back to the people. Its just making segregation a comeback. Like a sequel to a film that no-one wanted. I was called small minded when I said that this was a racist act within itself. How can you not see that this is racism in its full force?

Unfortunately a vote for leave is a vote for this man and Borris Johnson to become in power. Many people are saying that David Cameron may keep his job if we leave but how can he? His reputation is also in tatters since we have had protest after protest about his resignation. This is his last chance to be our leader. Borris Johnson and Nigel Farage will take over. The pair are like a super villains  from an old James Bond film, hilarious until you realise how much power they have. Also both of these people will screw over the working man no matter what. Farage was part of the EU for fisheries and only went to one meting yet talks how the EU is absolute shit and how he can give back the seas to British fishers. Look mate if you did your job properly maybe so many fishers jobs would not be lost in the first place and there would be nothing to give back. YOU ARE probably the reason why it is gone. Johnson on the other hand is a true elitist. He is completely disenchanted from the actual world. He talks how he is for the working yet he went to Eton and was in the Bullingdon Club, the same club where David Cameron fucked a pig. He has no true grasp how the actual world works. He is too rich to have ever had a minimum wage job or struggle through the month because he has to chose food or heating. Neither these two people are fit to run a country but it seems like a vote to leave is a vote for this dystopian Britain.

Even though the Leave campaign do have good points on the leftist side they are often overlooked because we have no left anymore. In the last election it was the choice of the lesser evil. The problem with todays government is that they all chase and spread the fear. This has left us with a Labour party which are secretly Conservative and a Conservative party which is more right than ever because they wanted the votes from people who were right extremists but didn’t want to be UKIP. Socialists should want to leave but we don’t because it seems a vote to leave is a vote for a weird dystopian future. There is no plan in place if we truly leave. A leave representative said “I don’t know” on one of the BBC debates. How is that meant to give us any hope. If we have nothing in place for if we do leave then how will we as a nation cope.

Socialists should want more democracy but we do not because we are in such fear of it. This is because we have no good choices. If we leave we lose three million jobs, we may go into another recession, we will have to become amazing negotiators to get good deals to trade anywhere. If these are the negotiators with the EU then we have no hope. However if we stay our NHS will be in tatters after privatisation after privatisation from our government, we will have worse relationship with the EU and we will also have an angry bunch of people who did not get there own way. This is because they want us to be more democratic but they do not truly knows what democracy or debate truly is.

Whilst debating I have had a person dismiss all my sources because they are too left wing but then use the same news sources when it supports his views. Within this debate I asked him for sources that he could support his claims with, which he never did, because I could not find anything myself. I was asked to do the same by one of his supporters. I found about ten different articles supporting my view and his reply was quote this “Huffington Post, Left Foot Forward and the Mirror, hardley reliable sources, wouldn’t give them the privilege off reading their dross.”and then dismissed my whole argument. He then two days later used the Huffington post to support his own view. I just put his quote in the comment and he brushed it off as it was nothing. You can not dismiss someones argument because you do not like where the source is from and then use the same news resource. Its hypocritical and rude. Plus to dismiss someones argument because it does not agree to your viewpoint is utterly wrong as well. This was an argument  rather than a debate, since this man can never debate since he can never consider the other side at all. This was the time I was called small minded for believing Farage was a racist. This was because I included two articles that pointed out his flaws and how he was not here for the everyday man. I was also told not to believe the media portrayal and I was brainwashed yet this guy every two minutes shares something from the Brexit page. If anyone is brainwashed it is you since you can not even comprehend something that is different from your own beliefs. Maybe you cannot accept them because then you would have to come to terms that you worship a racist. I have read articles and watched debates from both sides before I voted. I know the pros and cons of each side and if you can not do that then you are the one thats brainwashed. You are the one that cannot take any other persons argument. You are the one with the ignorant small minded view.

People want to regain the power and have proper democracy but it seems that no-one knows what democracy is. The main argument for Brexit is to have democracy again however when you talk to any Brexit no conversation about this matter can be had. There is no discussion. My friend who is pro stay tried talking to her grandparents about the EU referendum but they just chanted leave at her. This is no democracy. A democracy by definition a system of government governed by the whole nation or all the eligible members of a state, typically through elected representatives. If you want to be democratic you have to be willing to listen to the other side instead of shouting to shut it down. Its kind of the same as waffling through debates so that a bill can’t be passed in the house of lords. In no way its democratic. However its not the worst story out of the bunch neither is mine.

A few days ago a family friend who was in our house after saying sexist comments to my dad about how my education was a waste because he would never marry a women who was educated as they yap too much. Worse my dad agreed to this but this part is another post in itself. My dad informed this man how I was stay. His reaction was more than horrible.

Its why I am writing this blog post at this late at night because ever since it has been bugging me and now I do not feel safe to have an opinion in my home. To be fair I have grilled at my dad why it is better to stay in EU. However it is because he has not done any research into it or watched any debates. If he had more reasons than immigration and the recession then I would be fine. If he did research and watched the debate and after was still leave I would be fine with his choice. However all his decision is based on is his own perspective.

It was the same with this man. He put his perspective of life in front of all the research I had done on the debate. He said I was voting out of fear then went on about how we need to take back the country from immigrants. Thats the problem with the older generation is that they are so used to fear, from Thatcher cutting everything to 9/11, that they don’t see their own viewpoint is being driven by it. He said I should respect his perspective of life over my research and how I would not understand what the EU is as I haven’t lived life since I am young. However I have read what it is like through the eyes of an economics, a fisher, a farmer, a human rights activist and an environmentalist. I have not based my whole judgement on my perspective but others as well. As this is going to effect everyone and not just myself. He then called me selfish for saying how I have more of a chance of getting a job if we stay in the Eu. Yet he is voting just on his experience and is not taking into account anyone else. He said how economists are not everything yet if we go into another recession the hope of paying off my student loans, the hope of getting a good job, the hope of owning a house and making enough money so that I feel like I can raise a family are completely gone. Unfortunately we are in a capitalist environment where our whole lives depend on money.

His conclusion to my viewpoint being a problem was the worst though. After having a grown man say to you how your ‘brainwashed’ and ‘shouldn’t go to university’ and ‘how the left do nothing’ (actually any development in society is thanks to the left) he concluded that I am so wrong that I should not have a say to begin with. He told my dad that he should lock me in my room on voting day so that my voice was not heard. My own father agreed with him then said it couldn’t happen now since I did the postal vote. He said how my view would ‘ruin the country’ and I was the reason why we are in such a state.  What is the worst of this though is that he completely dehumanised me. He made me out to be a disobedient child and so should be punished. In an era where it has not even been a hundred years where all women had the right to vote and someone wants to take your voice from you is utterly disappointing. If anything it sends a message of aggression and hatred. It sends the message that you have to fall in line to someone else beliefs. It sends the message that I should not have a voice. You want a democracy, you want the country to rule itself again but you do not want me to vote! I was too young in the last election to vote and in hell would I not vote in this one. How dare you speak to me in that way! How dare you discriminate against me! How dare you make me feel like I cannot have a voice within my own home. What is worse is that you want us to lead ourselves again but if anyone does not agree with you they should not be taken into account.

That is what is wrong with this county. Not the immigrants or the constant cuts or the diminishing NHS. Its this complete mindset of if someone disagrees with you then they should be silenced. You want a democracy only if everyone agrees with you. You only want a debate if everyone agrees with you. You are fuelled with so much hatred at an issue that does not effect you in the slightest. You, the older generation, want our respect but then you call us radicalises and idiots for voicing our own opinions. You put your own perspective on life over everything else. You have no idea of what the world is truly like you have no idea what the EU truly is until you do research. You never open your minds to something that is other than you. Thats whats wrong with this country. This fear of the other. You want to silence anything that is different. At the end of the day thats why Jo Cox is dead. Its because you have been spoon fed all these propaganda lies about the empire. You brush over sexism and racism until you get pointed out for it and then you argue how you couldn’t possibly be racist since you experienced it and a microscopic amount of people did the act. This hatred is why we are having the referendum. This hatred is why I was told that I should not have a voice. THIS HATRED IS WHY JO COX WAS MURDERED!!!! We will never be Great Britain there is nothing great about it, there never was. We are a small island full of hatred and I am sick of it. Until we change we will never be great. Thanks to the referendum I have fully lost all faith in humanity. Both leave and stay should be pleased with themselves.


So during my holidays me and my family spent a few days in Liverpool. I have been to Liverpool before but only for a day and that was to look around a university there so I didn’t really get a proper feel for the city or really look around it at all in fact. One could say i was quite excited for the trip since i would be doing all the touristy things including doing the Beetles story since I’m a massive Beetles fan I was giddy to go the museum to see it all.

So what did we do…. I saw two Cathedrals both completely different but both completely beautiful. Also extravagant like if they actually finished the newer one of the two it would have been bigger than big ben (I think). Like who even needs a church that big, you can really tell at the time at making it Liverpool had money to burn. Then we also went shopping for a bit since literally there are no good clothes shops were I live. The Topshop here is literally the size of a shoe box. Also I wanted to go shopping because Liverpool has loads of vintage shops so I really wanted to have a big route through those and in fact got some charming second hand things including some trousers to help my Beetlejuice costume for halloween. We also saw a show that was playing that my brother really wanted to see which was the Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. It was a really absurd and creative play. The set design for the play was absolutely brilliant and completely captured the essence of the book which is a really good read if you haven’t read it. In fact the play was amazing and was completely different from anything I have ever seen. The day after that we did the Beetles story which was absolutely brilliant and wasn’t really set out like a museum even though it was technically a museum which was really cool. It was just cool finding out how the Beetles became well the Beetles. I really loved it. Then after we did the Slave museum which was really powerful. It just took you back for a moment because when we talk about slavery we kinda go into how it happened when it was finished and that is it. Whereas this museum really went into the effect of slavery and the circumstances it caused then and today in Africa and all over the world. It was a real awakening. It also went into how racism steamed from slavery and what modern slavery is today. It was something I think if anyone has the chance to go then go because it was so interesting and it really an eye opener to what constitutional racism actually is. So please go!

Anyhow on another note here is some pictures from the trip.

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Quick Recap

So this summer has been totally crazy. First of all I have been on holiday three times; Cyprus, Liverpool and London. The London and the Liverpool blog post should hopefully be coming soon, it would have been written if there were more hours in the day or more days in the week. Secondly I have been going on so many day trips (nearly every day i have off workt) with my friends that can drive to places for either touristy reasons or to stock up on some clothes for university. The tourist days out are to places that are nearby like Whitby or York so that I won’t miss them when I move to university. Thirdly I just haven’t had time to blog because recently I have been working five full days a week and at night either going to the gym or getting ready for uni. So i thought i would write this filler blog post as a quick catch up as to what has happened in the past few weeks.

One is that I had gotten the grades i needed and am going to my first choice university in september. I was so surprised since i though i did terribly in math but had come out with a C. Whereas I went up two grade boundaries in philosophy and got an A grade and i went up one grade boundary in english and got a b. I was so happy on results day and even happier that the stress, tears and hard work really paid off for me. It has paid off so much that now I am going to my dream university in september and i am going to study Philosophy and Literature which I find one of the most interesting things in the world. I literally cannot wait.

Another thing is I officialy went on my first night out as an adult. Here it is nearly impossible to get into a club let alone get a drink if you are underaged so going on a night out after I got back from cyprus was defineatly on my list. However it didn’t happen until i was halfway through the holiday that i went on my nightout. It was a fun night out, I went with a load of friends I hardly see as we all went to separate colleges after university so it was amazing seeing them all again.

Also I have seen a few concerts at my local venue as well. Last Sunday I saw Scouting for Girls for the second time and it was absolutely amazing. It was such an intimate concert since hardly anyone was there and we had probably the best seats in the house (thanks mum). It was one of the best nights of my life and I also went with the best people ever. Even if i hit my friend in the face at one point in the concert thanks to my very bad dancing but it was her fault for not dancing.

So that has kinda been a skim of my summer. In a few weeks I’m going to start uni so thats going to be a whole new whirlwind and chapter but for now.

ta ta for now

Cyprus in Pictures

As I have recently published a post about my trip to Cyprus I thought it was only fair to share some of my photos with you too. It would have been on the other blog post but when i came to upload the pictures my files would not upload. Also I quite like sharing holiday pictures since I think they catch the whole vibe of the holiday, even if it was so relaxed I did nothing but read and eat. Well thats a lie, I also did some tourist stuff and we crossed over the border, which was cool but very scary since armed guards with guns are. So shall we begin…..

I stayed at the Cyprus College of Art which is truly beautiful to look at since the whole fence is done by different artists and joins up in a bit of a iguldy pickly way. However it is truly a beautiful madness since when it joins together it does showcase brilliantly how art is so diverse and can spread such a spectrum of emotions. I loved it I think the whole ‘fence’ is such an statement that art is not one artist or a few but rather a whole spectrum of peoples views on the world that they live in. It is quite different to anything I have every seen before.

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Now the people I went with. They are both quite mad in their own way. My friend Rachel, I have been friends with for years we used to go to ballet classes together, then college for two years as well. I thought by the end of my holiday we would be scrapping twenty four hours but we got on really well. I think it was because during met days we did our own thing then met up and cooked together dinner or lunch so we would only see each other then. We gave each other a good amount of space so that we would not be annoyed with each other. Adam who I also went with for just a week instead of the two weeks, I got on with to an extent. We were just too different at times and we both rubbed each other up the wrong way. If I went on holiday with him when we first met i think we would have gotten on supremely but because he has stayed the same and I have changed and matured so much we just didn’t mix as well. We got on fine but at times it wasn’t the best experience. Anyhow we still all talk to each other so thats the main thing. Also I’m not posting pictures of the people I stayed with but met at the commune since I don’t have their permission to post pictures but I have permission from the two people I went with.

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Now the touristy stuff. Altogether we went to the market, harbour, Aphrodite’s rock (the greek goddesses birthplace), the catacombs, a few churches, St Paul’s pillar and the Tomb of Kings (which I always said the wrong way round). All of these places were absolutely beautiful but the market and harbour were more tourist centre since they were all tourist shops there but for buying souvenirs you couldn’t go wrong.

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We also went to Nicosia for two days. It was a lot less touristy than Paphos but had a really good vibe to it as well. I would definitely recommend going their to anyone who is thinking about it. Its nightlife was also really cool like a lot of the kinda quirky cafes turned into cocktail bars at night so it was a win win for everyone. We also crossed the border into the Turkish side as well which was quite cool but tiny bit scary as well. It was nice seeing the difference between the Turkish and the Greek idea of life since when you cross the border it is a completely different city.

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And that was my trip to Cyprus in pictures.


As soon as I finished my exams and celebrated my birthday I was whisked away to Cyprus. To be more exact I was whisked away to Paphos to stay at the Cyprus College of Art for two weeks. I set off with one of my best friends, Rachel who was going to stay there for 6 weeks to paint. My other friend Adam also joined us during our first week and is going to stay their for 4 weeks. Cyprus was the exact thing I needed to get a new mindset and to clear all my problems away. For most of the time I read or I wrote (poetry and my novel which I will hopefully finish) in a multicoloured hammock that became my space.

As well as genuine relaxation I also did some sightseeing. For two days Rachel, Adam and I went to Nicosia which is the capital of Cyprus and the only city in the world still divided. Nicosia was beautiful, it was full of unique stores and the bars were to die for. Also the oldness of the place contrasted so much to the political graffiti which gave the place a unique character and you were amongst change. It was a brilliant place and completely different to Paphos because hardly any of Nicosia was touristy which Paphos is tourist international.  I did buy a lot of unusual treasures in Nicosia which I would never find in Paphos, and I had my first Meze. A Meze is a selection of small portioned traditional dishes which everyone in the group can have. I have nearly grown up on greek food since my mum grew up in Cyprus but I have never had a Meze and I can tell you they are brilliant. So much food that you cannot eat it all but all equally delicious. Its also a good feeling being the only person on the table that knows what the food is. Meze’s are a beautiful invention. As my friend Rachel says Meze’s are the best since you don’t actually have to decide what to eat.

It was quite a surreal experience crossing the border from the Greek to the Turkish side. The time when we crossed was about 5 ‘o’ clock at night, on the greek side all the cafes were turning into bars for the nighttime crowd whereas on the Turkish side everything was closing. On the Greek side it was full of life, their was always something happening however, on the Turkish side it was still as if you walked into a photograph of a ghost town. All the shops were closing and their was hardly any restaurants or any life that took my eye. It was the complete opposite to the Greek side. The barbed wire going around where the border also didn’t help with the feeling of coldness from the place as well. However the couple I sat next to on the plane back to England suggested to me that if I went to the Turkish side during the day the atmosphere is completely different and the Baazar was an amazing thing to looks at. I guess we were in the right place but at the wrong time.

In Paphos we also did the tourist attractions; the Harbour, some churches, St Paul’s Pillar, the catacombs, Aphroditie’s Rock and the Tomb of Kings (which evidently no Kings are buried at). All of these attractions were amazing to look around however the Harbour, Coral Bay (a beautiful yet expensive beach) and the Market did let me down as both were overly touristy. For example the Harbour is literally the sea on one side then on the other side tourist shop followed by tourist shop or restaurant. All of the restaurants had a man outside trying to get you to eat with them instead of their neighbours. One man especially made an act that me and my homosexual friend Adam were on our honeymoon. As we walked by the second time he screamed at us, “Would you like sex on the beach, how about sex on the table”, I was so taken back that it was funny and i laughed a tiny bit too much at his suggestion.

However the church’s, catacombs and all the rest were absent of the tourist.  In fact most of the attractions were dead whereas the areas with all the hotels were bloated. It was like walking into another country let alone a tourist attraction. I found these places however the most interesting. The Tomb of Kings took my breath away, there was so much engineering for something that was made when the Egyptians ruled. It was the same with Aphrodities rock, you were taken back with how much legend can connect with one rock by a beach and how civilisation used to look to it as a kind of alter. The catacombs had an beautiful eeriness to it that nothing could compare. The churches made me proud to be religious even though I am not a Christian, I felt the need to prey at most of the churches. The historical places in Paphos have this beautiful power to create a numinous effect on its visitors which make you feel so big yet so small at the time. It makes you realise how feeble life is since civilisations has come and gone with their beliefs yet these ruins remain like a footprint in cement. It truly was a charming experience.

The people I met at the art commune also made the holiday for me. Each person was completely different and had a different story to tell yet they all helped me realise little bits of my stress could be solved. For example Nell dropping out of her university because it wasn’t the right course for her and joining another course made me realise that liking university was not the be all and end all and if I did not like it I could change places. I also met a group of people their who were also at university and they described it as the best time of their lives, hearing this made me really think I would like university as well. Everyone their taught me a different thing from Martina’s feminism to Petra’s lentil shots to Chaz not knowing when he has had enough to drink to Betty’s unknowingness of what to do after university to Joe’s advice on music. They all taught me that life keeps on moving even if I do not have a plan and that is ok. It was definitely the advice i needed. I also learned I was ready for university since I can look after myself especially when it came to cooking.

All in all Cyprus was an amazing trip if their is anyone out their that needs some headspace or is an artist I would always recommend Cyprus School of Art is an amazing place to clear your head whilst you still get studio space all of it is quite cheap as well. Its perfect if you want to go somewhere alone but get lonely because straight away you make friends and Maragrett who runs it always makes sure something is going on so everyone feels a part of something whether that is going to the theatre or setting up a movie nigh (we watched Finding Sugarman, if you haven’t seen it you NEED to watch it, its AMAZING). Also her son also met us some nights so we would know where the cooler non tourist places were. For example we watched a band playing tango music and some tango dancers then went to an artist bar which was very cool and suave. So Cyprus School of Art is definitely the place to go and was definitely the holiday I needed. It was defiantly the coming of age story I needed so I could feel like I could keep moving forward. So thank you Cyprus.

I’m still alive!!!!

Lets start with the facts.

1) Its been like 6 months since i have written a blog post.

2) I have just finished college officially so now Jess is a free student

3) This year has definitely been the most stressful year of my life

4) I’m now 18 therefore an adult which means i can legally drink alcohol and do things adults do. (All i have gathered adults do is drink wine, bitch, and try to avoid being responsibility)

5) Instead of going on a gap year I have decided to go to university straight away

6) I grew out my fringe, had the ends of my hair dip dyed, gone purple twice, now i have dip dyed hair again and should shortly be going blue.

So theirs the facts. Now to explain the facts.

My grades last year were not the best grades in the world to my standards so this year I have retaken nearly everything to bring my grades up to something I would be proud of. As well as doing this I have done a maths exchange with a school in Sweden, worked 7 days a week from September to Christmas, joined an AS class so that I could relearn a subject and tried to party hard as well since all my friends have or are turning 18 this year. I’ve been quite a busy bee all year. At one point I was arranging an 18th birthday pamper by myself for 10 people to give to one person while balancing double the schoolwork of all my friends put together and a part time job so my hobbies like my blog has kinda taken a backseat. `It also did not help that as my stress with schoolwork and my job grew so did my anxiety.

I had no idea what I was doing was right or not or whether or not I should be going down that path. “What happens if I don’t pass? What happens if i end up hating university? What if all my friends only tolerate me because i can make people laugh? What if all my work is for nothing? Am I doing all this because I want to or is society telling me to?”, all these questions circled my head all year round and made me break down in my worst case five times a week. My closest friends and family were so worried about me because these breakdowns became normal to me to have instead of just a stress build up and realise. All I was doing was working, even if I was at a party all I could think of at the back of my head was what I was going to revise next. I became a slave to revision but now I’m free completely.

So what happened with the exams. I think they went well all I’m worried about is my A2 maths exams but that was my worst subject so it should be expected. However all I can do now is wait so there is no point in stressing about it. As soon as my exams were finished I was on a whirlwind. After my last exam my family came round to have a buffet to celebrate my 18th which was amazing since we hardly ever all of us get together even though we all live in the same town. The next day I went to Whitby for the day with my aunt and uncle. The Friday I had a party with my friends for my 18th then I worked the Saturday. Even though Sunday is meant to be the day of rest I flew with my friend Rachel to the Cyprus School of Art to attend the Summer School for two weeks. Rachel went and is sill there for six weeks.

Cyprus was the exact breather i needed to get enthusiastic about my future. Now I have realised that I’m ready to go to university and if it doesn’t go how I wanted it to its not the end of the world. I have realised that my friends love me no matter what and that I am independent and have a bright future. I know now that all my doubt was just my anxiety and stress talking and that whatever happens is for the best. I’ve tried my best and in some cases more than my best. I have given my all; blood, sweat and tears. The universe is always in my favour whether i see it or not so whatever happens it is for the best. My exam scores are not the be all and end all. It took me to go to another country and met a load of artists to realise that but now I’m back. My mind is unclogged. I have a new state of mind and so now I’m doing everything for me and only me.

So now I can proudly say “I’m back baby!!!!”


Hello, my blog is still here. I just do not write as much as I really should and that is because of many reasons. This includes little to or no time and the fact i have server writers block recently. Normally I write a lot a lot because I like to write short stories and poetry but recently as the year goes on I have literally written nothing. Neither have I been reading either. What is my life?

So I’m guessing this little post is just me declaring that I’m still here and that in the new year I should be blogging more and hopefully do some more fashion style stuff as well. So soon, hopefully soon i will be writing more and i will also be planning some new little bits and bobs for this small thing. So hopefully next year this blog will be active most days because recently my baby has been seriously rejected.

Ta ta for now


I don’t want to Grow Up

Recently a lot of my friends have turned 18. Even today one of my dearest friends has just turned 18. I know crazy like it feels like only five minutes ago that I started secondary school and that I just met her but now I’m in my final year of college and she’s going to university in September to do Bio Science. We’re are all growing so old. It’s just so crazy. Most of my friends can vote and be trusted to do adultie stuff, when only a blink ago we didn’t know each other and were just learning the alphabet. Where does the time actually go? Is there a secret place somewhere where time stops or goes slower, if so I need to find where it is.

The future has always scared me. Adults always talk about what they regret, what i should do with my life, how to live my life and all that talk has just confused me. How can I know what to do with my life when I have never worked in a big enough selection of fields to decide from their what I want to do? Why would your regret change anything in my life? People have different lives and are different so why would your regrets be any where close to mine?Why did I have to pick what future I want at such a young age? I have changed so much over the years and honestly I would have not picked the same GCSE’s if I knew know what I knew then. All these questions flood my mind and kind of terrify me. I don’t want to be in my forties and hate everything about my life. I don’t want to be one of those people who regret not doing what they could have done.

So turning into an adult for me is quite scary. Especially since everyone is going into different directions. I feel like all my friends are going to leave me or tare me to go into different directions similar to themselves since I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go. They all have dreams or some direction and I just feel left behind. I gave up on my dreams years ago, since nothing really worked for me. Watching my friends talk of dreams and hopes I get kind of jealous since I have taught myself not to be like that since most people tell me my dreams are unreachable or that I cannot possibly want that. When you turn into an adult you either reach for your dreams or you settle for whatever is given to you. I don’t want to be part of the second option. I don’t want to be stuck in a cycle that doesn’t end. I don’t want a routined life.

When I talk how the future scares me all anyone ever says is to talk to the careers advisor but the careers advisor can only advise one part of your life. They can’t tell you whats the best place to live to suit your personality or if you will actually find love. People just gather that the only part of the future that scares you is the career option whereas it all scares me. People scare me. The world in which I will awake to scares the living daylights out of me. What happens when my life is in ruins when I’m grown up who do I turn to? Will the same support be there? No careers advise can make this anxiety of the future disappear by telling me my perfect job. What happens if my perfect job becomes my perfect nightmare. Can the careers advisor help me then? No, the future is more than a job, its a different lifestyle to the one i have now.

I like change, in fact the norm is one of my most hatred things. Its just I don’t think i can deal with the change from child to adult. I can barely deal with my life now, how am i going to deal with it in the future. I only have one dream that people would see as reachable and a bit stupid and i am going to go for it. At least I tried if I failed. I just hope I don’t have an grown up mind when i do it. As Allison from the Breakfast Club said, “all dreams die when you become grown up”. I certainly hope I don’t grow up if that quote is true and that is why the future scares me.

Down with the Clones

I’ve always been a big fan of individualism since I was little. The person who stood out from the crowd was always the most intriguing person to me; whether it was because of how they talked or even how they dressed. Being different to them were natural, they knew they were different. They embraced the fact that we were all born differently and so there was no point conforming to what society said we all should be. Being different is celebrated all through our society and culture so why are even more people conforming to other peoples ideas of what they should be?

Whenever I go anywhere into the outside world I always see the same groups of friends together. I could go even further to say that you know that they are all friends because they are wearing nearly the exact same thing and that’s sad. They wear their clothes like a uniform. They’re like soldiers going to war against being different, being themselves, being who they want to be instead of being exactly like their friends. How can you tell the difference between them, how do you know that they aren’t all robots? You can’t. The only way they look different is through their genetics.

Maybe I don’t get why people would like to look like clones of each other because I’ve never been ‘in’ enough to become like everyone else. I always was an outsider when I was in my early teens. I tried to fit in and be like everyone else. I tried doing the same makeup as everyone else, act like everyone else, wear the same clothes like everyone else but it didn’t make me any friends. In fact it pushed people away, they believed I was being fake and I was. I was playing someone I wasn’t and everyone could see it. I was uncomfortable being someone I wasn’t so why was I doing it? To be totally truthful I did it to fit in, to become a clone and you know what it didn’t work. As soon as I acted how I wanted, dressed like I wanted, be who I was, I was happier.

I was accepted and I found my own group of people who were all different and embraced their difference. They knew that they couldn’t be like everyone else because they couldn’t conform to a stereotype. I found people who couldn’t act like someone else like me and that was fine. We were all similar but different all the same. I felt like I didn’t have to pretend to be another clone that our society had created and thats freedom.

These clones or groups of people who look the same happen for a number of reasons, I believe but the biggest and the most important reason it happens is because they feel that they won’t be accepted if they aren’t everyone else. To survive in this culture these teenagers believe that to be successful they need to be like everyone else; dress like everyone else, have the same aspirations like everyone else, act like everyone else, just to try and fit the cookie cutter of what they believe they have to be. These people are so caught up in trying to be the stereotype that they stop being who they are or who they want to be.

I might be wrong and don’t realise that some people want to be someone who they aren’t or want to be like everyone else. Its just I don’t see why people would swap their individualism for something so processed and fake. Why would you want to fit in so much that you feel that who you truly are isn’t enough, but if you want to be that person its fine. If you want to be like everyone else thats fine as well and I congratulate you on perusing what you want. All I want to know is, is it worth it?

Being like everyone else is fine when you need to fit into a school code or around people who also feel like they need to fit in but further down the line the more you break the stereotype the interesting you are. The more times you wear what you want to wear the more confident and comfortable you become. When you become truer to yourself you become surrounded with people who accept you for who you are and not what you act to be.

People don’t get told enough that being themselves and different is something to be proud of. I mean if Andie Walsh in Pretty in Pink wasn’t so different would she have brought forward the likes of Blaine, probably not. Andie wasn’t being different to fit a certain category or stereotype, she was different because that was who she was. More films like Pretty in Pink and Hairspray should be realised because it tells people that you will still be accepted and loved if you are different and being who you are is better than being any person you aspire to be because other people deem that as cool. Being yourself will get you accepted and if that is through being everyone else thats fine as long as you are yourself but if you realise that being everyone else isn’t you then become you. Be you, wear it like your favourite dress because none can be you. No one can act like you and talk like you. Embrace that you are different, except that you are an individual.

You a beautiful. You are amazing. You are different, an individual. Please stop trying to be someone your not. I love you just the way you are