Recently something has happened that has questioned who are really my friends. I won’t publish what has happened, because I believe that it is wrong to write arguments down on the internet, and to bring outsiders into an argument. It normally makes the argument worse. Being a teenage girl you know all about fakeness. I know how people can talk behind your back or spread absolute bull about you, but you never think it would be one of your friends.
You have; let this person into your life, got to know them, even share secrets and they betray you. It’s tough to realise how toxic someone can be until they hurt you. The betrayal of a friend can scar you for life. I have trust issues, because I have had friends, who have told people my secrets. I now know how truthful the saying, “only two can keep a secret if one of them is dead”, is.
The trouble is this ‘friend’ has put you in a false state of security. You do not feel as though, one wrong thing you say, will spread like wildfire. You feel as though they understand you and will be a shoulder to lean on. Their poker face is so good you do not feel the slap across your face until the bruise has come through.
Normally I can tell who I can trust, and who I can’t, but now the lines are blurred. Betrayal twists your perspective. What once looked so beautiful has wrinkled leaving behind poison fruit. Now I have a new outlook of my life and now I question how big the cracks are in my life.
Betrayal can come in different forms. Normally the smallest betrayal are the betrayals with the biggest impact. A simple whisper behind your back can make you paranoid for life. A harmless rumour can give you trust problems. Not being invited to something can make you believe that you are not good enough for anyone. The quietest whisper can start an avalanche. Many people do not realise this or simply understand.
I try to be as blunt as possible, whilst trying not to offend. I do this so people know where they stand with me. This normally saves drama and helps me. It helps me because it stops me from being fake. It stops me talking and gossiping about people behind there back. Which is better for everyone. The truth can be ugly but it will set you free.
Little things in life annoy me and talking about them helps me take away the anger, sometimes I have to talk about people behind their back. It stops me ripping off peoples heads. I still love the person to bits. That’s why I talk about my problems about them. If I keep it inside, I end up being a bomb without a timer, I could blow at any time. I have lost some close friends because I haven’t let my anger out.
This is not the same as being fake though. I have bitched about her yes but I haven’t made her/him feel bad about herself on purpose, spread a rumour about her/him or made her/him feel bad about herself/himself. That is what a fake friend does.
We all bitch about each other. I am fine with that, but what I am not fine about, is not including people, spreading rumours and making someone feel bad about themselves. It’s bullying and not something a friend should do. Why couldn’t it be simpler? Why couldn’t it be like when you were 5 and it was acceptable to tell someone you hated them? At least you were both on the same page.
People aren’t like this. Why? Because people grow meaner in time, the world can harden people. People like mind games and tricks. Some people are ignorant to what there actions can do. People don’t realise that people talk and what you try to hide will always shine through. I realise that now, I didn’t used to. So I am sorry to anyone I have hurt when I was fake, I didn’t realise the outcomes of being plastic then. I am sorry.
Fakeness can be addictive and the best way to overcome addiction is not to start. A whisper can create the biggest of avalanches. The one word behind his/her back can scar forever. The one comment can weaken his/her spirit. That invite ‘lost in the mail’ can change a person. Humans can be cruel. Just don’t let that human be you.