I find that the scariest thing in life is not the monster under your bed but in fact the future. Never knowing what the day after tomorrow will bring, what will happen to you in a few months time, whether you will be one of the winners or losers in life. The future is pretty scary stuff.
At the moment college is trying to force University down everyone throats and making it seem like that is the path you have to take. Now if you know what you want to do with your life then that is fine but if you, like me, have no idea what you want to do after education then you’re a bit stuck. If you’re not good or amazing at one thing then you are stuck also. I don’t want to go to University if I don’t know what I want from it. I don’t want to be in my second year at University and realise that the degree I have picked is not the degree for me. I don’t want to spend so much money on my education and realise I have gained nothing from it.
So much pressure is put on people to know what they want from the future. The future is so stressful. People asking me what family, job, income I want. Like how am I meant to know? I don’t even know what food I want for tea today let alone where I want to end up in ten years. How am I meant to say what job I want in the future if I have only experienced on of the possibilities that I wanted to do two years ago.
I change all the time. My mind changes all the time, so do my views. I don’t want children in the future but maybe in a few years I might want to pop children out like a tennis ball machine. I don’t know who I am going to be in 10 years. I could change for the better but I could also change for the worst. Who knows in fifteen years time I could be the next Hitler. Doesn’t that scare anyone? Not knowing who I am going to be keeps me up at night.
What happens if I am not friends with the same people I am friends with now? What if we lose touch and I never see any of the milestones that they go through? What happens if I am replaced? What if they people I love end up hating me? My friends are one of the most important things in my life. I don’t know what to do without them and thinking about a future without them sounds like hell. Loseing contact with my closest and dearest sounds like a death wish to me. I honestly have no idea what I would do without them.
In the future I could be anything and I guess that the unknown is a scary place. I could be a hobo at the end of your street, the person you cross the road to get away from. Tomorrow could be the start of my downwards spiral but tomorrow could also be the start of a better life. No knowing what I want to do stresses the hell out of me. Not knowing whether I will find happiness in the future makes me question every act I have done. The future is a scary place which is always one second away.